What If...

What I have to say is true?

The personal insights that I chat about can be controversial.

They are only controversial as some of my insights can shake conditioned beliefs. Some examples: Blood is thicker than water… really? Family comes first…really? Doesn’t everyone matter equally? Success is material… Happiness is living life to the max… Why do we feel the need to prove our worth with stuff and external proof of filling time?

Highly debateable for those who have read my book, ‘Wake Up Little Suzy’, I claim that Jesus is my brother and I that speak with Him almost daily. Meher Baba is my spiritual Father… and so on…all of what I say IS TRUE! I am not shouting; I am exclaiming my certainty of what I know.

I often say, I am no expert on anything other than myself. I know what I think and feel. I write only about my experiences. I have struggled to find people who have a genuine wish to explore themselves at a really deep level. Looking inward rather than outward. To find people that will dedicate the time to make finding their truth highly important, has been pretty non-existent. Some have questioned, dabbled and then put time on the back-burner, as daily life distracts them. That’s either their choice or, their current life path.

I used to find it frustrating when I accepted who each person chose to be and yet, that wasn’t reciprocated. I have been called ‘mad’, ‘delusional’, ‘difficult’ etc. By doing that, those people were saying, they were right and I was wrong. They knew me better than me. That is pretty unkind don’t you think? Now, I simply shrug as it doesn’t matter if I am accepted or not. I know my TRUTH and I still accept who they are.

I have clarity about many things such as the meaning of Pure Love, selfishness, illusion and human truth. I know what life is about. I understand sincere happiness and suffering. I have my solid belief on religions, God and Jesus.

Pure Love was a challenge for me as I wrote in a previous blog. It meant pain as I let go of the bonds that falsely tied me to the conditions of human love.

I have learnt mind blowing realities about lust and selfishness. I did not intend to learn about these. Since my awakening, I let lessons given to me play out organically. I am always open to receiving lessons as I love learning them.

Meher Baba wrote about lust and selfishness in depth in his book Discourses. When I first read His book a year ago (2024), it was a bit of a slog. I read it but, I didn’t truly get it.

I have to experience things for myself to appreciate and understand fully the meaning of our Truth. My learnt concept of life rather than things I have been taught, is what advances me.

This past year, I have learnt an incredible amount about spirituality. I made a conscious choice to stop myself from listening to, or reading about, anyone else’s accounts on the subject and all things associated with it. It has been quite a personal masterclass!

I recently went back to Baba’s Discourses and was thrilled that I understood all that He had written about. It all seemed to apply to me. His book explained some things that I was going through. His words were crystal clear and all that He had to say, I could easily relate to. I was walking the walk of His teachings. WOW!

Back to my learns on selfishness and lust: -

The many layers and levels of these are complicated. Complicated because they are continuously trying to pull us back into negative behaviours and exposures. You could describe them as the shadows lurking around sunlight. It is an incredibly difficult challenge to rid yourself of the magnetic pulls they have.

Selfishness is full of all sorts of tricks, even if you would consider yourself to be selfless.

First of all, what do I think lust means? It is desire. We can desire many things such as: sex, money, power - each one having many layers to them - corruption, harm, stealing, exploiting etc

We can desire a new home, a holiday, a fancy meal, a dress, a girlfriend, a baby, a happy dad etc. We may also crave a taste, a smell or a sound.

Each layer, each element within each layer, has the ultimate selfish ‘I’ at its root.

If you are at the raw end of desire, there will be harm in our ‘I’. I will have sex because I crave it. I may rape to get it. I will kill to be seen as a powerful leader. You will fear me. I will leave you in poverty and starving to have money and power. I am more important than you. Only the strong survive. I will lure you and use you to get what I want and then discard you…you get the gist?

As we move up in spiritual layers becoming less selfish, we soften our ‘I’. It is still present. I want a baby; it will make us a family. I want a night out with my mates, I deserve it because I have worked hard. You must come over for dinner, I am making your favourite. Everything still has a personal pay off. Even helping those less fortunate than yourself will have a personal pay off…it gives me purpose…

As we become kinder and our desire lessens, for instance we may go without so another can have, we will often encounter personal upset. “Why did they not appreciate me?” we may say. (This still has an ‘I’). As a result, relationships will start to change. We will see other’s selfishness more and more. That can be quite an eye-opener!

Can we still accept those who don’t recognise our kindness so that it is not about our personal ‘I’? Even if we remove ourselves with distance from another, the “I don’t want to be around them because they are selfish and I don’t want to think badly of them”, still has an ‘I’.

Do you see how hard it is to completely remove desire. Desire to be seen, heard or validated still exists. In fact, it may seem impossible for us to remove it. Exhausting? What’s the point, you may think?

There is a truly worthwhile point which I have discovered. It was a test and a half to learn it!

I had to let go. I suffered a lot. It was very lonely physically. Spiritually, I was wonderfully supported and encouraged. However, even with spiritual support and love, you are not magically waved through the process. You have to experience it and learn the lessons for yourself. Only you can do this. You are equipped to do this. You have to… yes, DESIRE it above all else. That means you will need to have complete faith in the outcome being of great worth to learn.

I put my head down and trusted myself. My belief, my faith and my love carried me through. I let go, as one would by falling back into the arms of another when blindfolded, trusting them to catch you. I landed on feather soft liberation.

The outcome left me rather stunned, humble, peaceful and clean. I now fully understand those shadows. They may lurk but, their magnets have stopped working on me.

Letting go of ‘I’ and combining that with Pure Love is peaceful.

I recall the ‘Ah Ha’ moment. Saturday 5^th April 2025. I had a particularly horrid day of struggling with my thoughts. It meant I was a little selfish as I was pre-occupied. My mind was twisting and unwinding all at once. I searched and searched as I knew I had to find the power source within me that would release the bindings.

I had been feeling others were selfish to not respect that I was processing. I too had a right to thinking about myself and not just them. Then ‘ping’ as I cooked the evening meal, I found the switch.

Ultimately, selfishness at whatever level causes hurt. It not only hurts others; it always hurts yourself. This hurt will keep you attached to the pain and upsets of life.

To get freedom from these bindings, we have to change where we think. The mind usually controls our thoughts. It is full of trickery that will pull you into the shadows. When we think, we feel the results of those shadows. Sad, upset… They are laughing as they win every time.

Free the mind by understanding the shadows. To do this, we have to think from deep within. There are many levels to ‘deep within’. Each one will have benefits as you attain them. Start with your heart until you learn more and then you can delve deeper. Think with your heart and that will start to control your mind. The heart is kind. It softens selfishness.

I do hope you have gained a nugget or two from what I have written about over the years. I know awareness is always a brilliant beginning to personal development. The hard work and it takes to achieve satisfaction is worth it.

At this point in my life, I know my actions will reflect my voice within. I only desire to serve my TRUTH through kindness. I believe in me and what I have to say wholeheartedly.

What comes next…? Bring it!